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The rules are simple to win: No "xxx" jokes, sorry. Kit Menkin cannot win  (relatives, friends and employees can enter and win). Please note, if in the decision of the judges there is no "best" joke, a previous month may be included, and like in horseshoes, there are no ties. Winners of previous months can also win a second or third time - There is no limit.

Please send me your favorite joke. The first one to send it, not only gets the credit, but a good bottle of wine or a box of chocolates (the winner’s choice).

Winner for March 2002


Peter S. Carter
Los Gatos, California
His prize: a bottle of 1994 Beringer Howell Mountain Merlot, with the request Kit and Sue join he and his wife for dinner to enjoy the win together.

Golfer Answers Cell Phone Call

Several men are in the locker room of the Los Gatos La Rinconada Golf Club, showering, getting changed for the 19th hole. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man picks it up, engages the hands-free speaker function, and begins a conversation:

 (M=man, W=wife):


 M: "Hello?"


 W: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"


 M: "Yes."


 W: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.  I just saw a

   beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!!  Can I buy it?"


 M: "What's the price?"


 W: "Only $1,000."


 M: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."


 W: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001

 models.  I saw one I really liked.  I spoke with the salesman, and he gave

 me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we

 bought last year..."


 M: "! What price did he quote you?"


 W: "Only $60,000."


 M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."


 W: "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."


 M: "What?"


 W: " I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we

 looked at last year.  It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool,

 English Garden, acre of park area, beach front property."


 M: "How much are they asking?"


 W: "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price. It may seem like a lot, but I was

 reconciling your bank account...and I see that we have enough in the bank

 to cover the down."


 M: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"


 W: "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"


 M: "Bye...I love you too..."


 The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap.  The other men are looking at

 him in astonishment and derision.


 The man holds up the phone and asks, "Ah!! Anyone know who this phone

 belongs to?"


“Peter Carter has been president of Carter Israel Advertising & Public Relations in San Jose for nearly 30 years.  He's currently serving as board chair of KTEH, Silicon Valley's public television station; and he continues to dabble in politics and other civic

activities.  He and his wife, Dennise, live in a 125 year old Los Gatos Victorian where they garden, entertain and grow old together.


“His main claim to fame, however, still remains the fact that the San Jose Mercury, back sometime in the 1980's, named him Kit Menkin's (current) best friend.”


Always witty and precise as the ultimate conservative Republican, true bon vivant,

and lover of all fine things, including Dennise, his (current) wife.


Here is a story just published in San Jose Magazine about Peter.

                            #2 Michael Novogradac, CPA

                                    San Francisco, California


   This joke was sent  to us by many people, and perhaps should be considered the

most popular as we received it the most often. The first person on record to send it

was Michael Novogradac, senior partner of Novogradac-Fortenbach, American Leasing’s

accounting firm for many years.  He shares good jokes when he runs across them. Maybe

he is originally responsible for this joke making all the rounds.



What Does Your Daddy Do?


It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get

to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers

did for a living.


The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."


The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."


It was then little Johnny's turn and he said "My name is Johnny

and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."


The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the school yard, the

teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was really true that his

Dad dances nude in a gay bar.  Little Johnny blushed and said, "Nah, he's

really an auditor for Arthur Andersen but I was just too embarrassed to say




                        #3  Tie Vote


                              Randy Warshawsky

                               San Jose, California


Two Nevada Cowboys


Two Nevada cowboys Nevada go to get gas at the new Standard station in Elko

for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the

station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas.


 When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the



"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.


"How do we enter?" asked the cowboy, who was also working at

Barick Mines.


"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10. If you guess right, you

win free sex."


"O.K. I guess 7,"  he said.


"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant.


The next week, the two Nevada cowboys returned to the same station to get

gas. When they went inside to pay, the Spring Ranch cowboy asked the

attendant if the contest was still going on.


"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10.

If you guess right, you win free sex."


"Two," the Spring Ranch cowboy said.


"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant.: "Come back soon

and try again."


As they walked back to the car, the one Nevada cowboy said to the other,

"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."


"No way," said the other. "My wife won twice last week."



                     #3  Roberto

                           Saratoga, California

Del Monte Pickle Plant


All the tough cases at Palo Alto Medical go to Dr. Brennerman, who

saw this man from the Del Monte pickle plant in Mountain View, California.


"What's your problem that no one can solve, " he asked.


" Well, I have this overwhelming desire to put my penis in the

pickle slicer, " he explained.  " I just can't help it."


"That is a terrible thought," Dr. Brennerman told him. " You just

have to get that out of your head. Think of something else. When

you go to work, think of a sunset, the sun coming down at night.

Give it a try."


Two weeks later, he was back.


" I am sorry to tell you Dr. Brennerman, it did not work," the

patient explained. " I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer."


" What happened?!," he asked.

" They fired the both of us."

Past Jokes of the Month

Year 2002

Stewart Kahn
Redondo Beach, California
"Mother Superior"

Prize is a dinner for two at California Cafe
( this is his third time )


Dan Sorkin
Walnut Creek, California
" Warshawsky's Bar"

His prize: $100 Certificate for Dinner at California Cafe
Dan has won six times!!!

Past Jokes of the Month

Year 2001


Randy Schiell
Denver, Colorado " Noah's Ark"

His prize: 1997 Stag's Leap Wine Cellars Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon

Rob Yohe,
Stillwater, Kansas

1998 Dalla Valle Pietre Rosse, Dalla Valle Vineyards, Oakville, Napa and 1996 Chateau Woltner Chardonnay, St. Thomas Vineyards, Howell Mountain, Napa

Farley Gouner
San Jose, California

He did not want wine or chocolate, but to have lunch with Kit Menkin. (please no cracks that is the second place prize.)
"Non-Violent Solution"

Samuel R. Swift, A.P.L.C.
San Jose, California

A case of Gordon Birsch Marzen beer
"Stock Tip"

Steve Gabriel,
San Jose, California
A case of .375 ml 1995 Duckhorn Merlot Howell Mountain
* Finally! -- a Blonde GUY Joke!

Charlene Lunny
San Francisco, California
Dinner at Scoma's Restaurant, San Francisco

Dan Sorkin, Piedmont, California
Fishing in East Texas"

Jeff Reynolds, Oakland, California.
This is his second time.  He won in January. He receives six bottles of
1997 Chateau Woltner Howell Mountain Chardonnay.
  “Stopped by the Police”

Hal Sharpe, Paradise, California
He receives the best chocolate assortment from Dan's Chocolates.
"Scotch and Water"

Leigh Weimers, Los Gatos, California

French zChocolate Peche", 1996 Galante Vineyards Cabernet Sasuvignon Red Rose Hill Carmel Valley, 1998 Eos Chardonnay Paso Robles

Larry Faber
Mountain View, California
" Nevada Winter "
Second time he has won, dinner for two with Kit and Sue, plus a bottle of his favorite wine, 1996 Duckhorn Vineyard Merlot

Jeff Reynolds
Oakland, California

A bottle of 1996 Joseph Phelps Merlot Napa Valley

Past Jokes of the Month

Year 2000

Rob Yohe,
Stillwater, Kansas
"Bald Eagle"
A bottle of 1996 Robert Sinskey Vineyards Merlot Los Carneros of Napa Valley

Leigh Weimers,
Los Gatos, California
Pest Control Inspector Gets Caught
Two pound box of Schurra's Fancy Chocolate.
(also a Christmas present to Leigh and Geri)

Jeff Wong,
of San Francisco, California
Take my wife, please
One pound Box of Godiva Chocolate.

Captain James Sloan, Salvation Army
of San Jose, California
One pound Millenium Box of See's Chocolate.

Larry Faber, Mountain View, California
Jewish Sex Therapy
Bottle of 1995 Duckhorn Napa Estate Merlot.

John Wold of St. Charles, Illinois
Father O'Reilley
Two pound box of Fancy Godiva Chocolate and Truffles

Dan Sorkin of Piedmont, California
Jewish Poker Game
Rutherford Hill 1984 Cabernet Sauvignon, Methuslah.
(he is a four time winner, this winery not only overlooks Auberge du Soleil in Napa Valley, but producess some outstanding red and white wine)

Chuck Brady
, Saratoga, California
 Man goes to see the Rabbi
A bottle of 1996 Robert Sinskey Merlot Los Carneros Napa Private Reserve.

Stewart Kahn of Redondo Beach, California.
80,000 Blondes
A 1 ˝ pound box of Godiva truffles plus a two pound box of Godiva Gold Ballotin chocolate as his award.
A Second Time Winner

John Wold of St. Charles, Illinois
The Internet Warnings
A 1 pound box of Godiva truffles as his reward

Dash Menkin of Elko, Nevada
The Blonde and the Attorney
A big box of See's Millennium Tin chocolate as his award.

Jim Hanzlik of Watsonville, California
A big box of See's favorite, Millenium Tin Collector,
plus a Valentine Day box to give to his sweetheart

Past Jokes of the Month
Year 1999

Dan Sorkin of Piedmont, California
A case of Chateau St. Julien Monterey Merlot
Third Time Winner

Stewart Kahn of Los Angeles, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Randy Warshawsky of San Jose, California
1994 Joullian Cabernet Sauvignon, Carmel Valley
1996 Castillo Saugiuvese

Dougald Turnbull of Campbell, California
1989 Georis Cabernet Sauvignon, Carmel Valley
1995 Turnbull Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley, Oakville

Wally Lunny of San Francisco/Glen Elen, California
A case of 1997 Chateau St. Julien Monterey Estate Merlot

Second Time Winner

Kevin Skelly of Saratoga, California
1994 Robert Sinskey Pinot Noir Reserve, Los Carneros, Napa Valley
1995 Robert Sinskey Merlot Reserve, Los Carneros, Napa Valley


Chris Cross of Hayward, California
1997 Duckhorn Vineyard Napa Valley Sauvignon Blanc,
1996 Clos Du Bois Sonoma County Pinot Noir

and a box of Schurras Fancy Chocolate

John Turnbull of Mendocino, California
1995 Turnbull Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley, Oaksville

Jerry Jacob,
San Rafael, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Bob Bressler, Los Altos Hills, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

R. Donald Chapman, San Jose, California
1994 Chateau Latour a Pomerol, prop. Mme. L.P. Lacaste Loubal

Jim Beck, Los Gatos, California
1994 Estate Grown Copper-Garrod Cabernet Sauvignon, Santa Cruz Mountain Appellation


Past Jokes of the Month
Year 1998

Russ Mattos, Mountain View, California
Two great tickets plus parking pass for the Monday Night San Francisco 49ergame at 3Com Park

Kim Davison, San Jose, California
Case of 1998 Campus Oaks Chardonnay

Dan Sorkin, Piedmont, California
Two pound box of Godiva Chocolate and second time winner,
one pound box of Godiva Truffles

Rosalie, Santa Cruz, California
1995 "Reserve Speciale" Barons de Rothschild (Lafite)Medoc

Dan Sorkin, Piedmont, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Jim Swander, Bellevue, Washington
1989 Ridge Santa Cruz Mountain Monte Bello

Nanette Weintraub, Los Gatos, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

Walter J. Lunny, III, San Francisco/Glen Ellen, California
1976 Bolla Amarone Classico Chianti

Jim Hanzlik, Watsonville, California
One pound box of Godiva Chocolate

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