(M=man, W=wife):

 

 M: "Hello?"

 

 W: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

 

 M: "Yes."

 

 W: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.  I just saw a

   beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!!  Can I buy it?"

 

 M: "What's the price?"

 

 W: "Only $1,000."

 

 M: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

 

 W: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001

 models.  I saw one I really liked.  I spoke with the salesman, and he gave

 me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we

 bought last year..."

 

 M: "! What price did he quote you?"

 

 W: "Only $60,000."

 

 M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

 

 W: "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

 

 M: "What?"

 

 W: " I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we

 looked at last year.  It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool,

 English Garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

 

 M: "How much are they asking?"

 

 W: "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price. It may seem like a lot, but I was

 reconciling your bank account...and I see that we have enough in the bank

 to cover the down."

 

 M: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

 

 W: "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

 

 M: "Bye...I love you too..."

 

 The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap.  The other men are looking at

 him in astonishment and derision.

 

 The man holds up the phone and asks, "Ah!! Anyone know who this phone

 belongs to?"

“Peter Carter has been president of Carter Israel Advertising & Public Relations in San Jose for nearly 30 years.  He's currently serving as board chair of KTEH, Silicon Valley's public television station; and he continues to dabble in politics and other civic

activities.  He and his wife, Dennise, live in a 125 year old Los Gatos Victorian where they garden, entertain and grow old together.

 

“His main claim to fame, however, still remains the fact that the San Jose Mercury, back sometime in the 1980's, named him Kit Menkin's (current) best friend.”

 

Always witty and precise as the ultimate conservative Republican, true bon vivant,

and lover of all fine things, including Dennise, his (current) wife.

 

Here is a story just published in San Jose Magazine about Peter.

 

http://www.americanleasing.com/jokeLink.htm

                            #2 Michael Novogradac, CPA

                                    San Francisco, California

 

   This joke was sent  to us by many people, and perhaps should be considered the

most popular as we received it the most often. The first person on record to send it

was Michael Novogradac, senior partner of Novogradac-Fortenbach, American Leasing’s

accounting firm for many years.  He shares good jokes when he runs across them. Maybe

he is originally responsible for this joke making all the rounds.

 

 

What Does Your Daddy Do?

 

It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get

to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers

did for a living.

 

The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."

 

The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

 

It was then little Johnny's turn and he said "My name is Johnny

and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."

 

The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the school yard, the

teacher approaches Johnny privately and asks if it was really true that his

Dad dances nude in a gay bar.  Little Johnny blushed and said, "Nah, he's

really an auditor for Arthur Andersen but I was just too embarrassed to say

so."

 

 

                        #3  Tie Vote

 

                              Randy Warshawsky

                               San Jose, California

 

Two Nevada Cowboys

 

Two Nevada cowboys Nevada go to get gas at the new Standard station in Elko

for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the

station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas.

 

 When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the

contest.

 

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

 

"How do we enter?" asked the cowboy, who was also working at

Barick Mines.

 

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10. If you guess right, you

win free sex."

 

"O.K. I guess 7,"  he said.

 

"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant.

 

The next week, the two Nevada cowboys returned to the same station to get

gas. When they went inside to pay, the Spring Ranch cowboy asked the

attendant if the contest was still going on.

 

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10.

If you guess right, you win free sex."

 

"Two," the Spring Ranch cowboy said.

 

"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant.: "Come back soon

and try again."

 

As they walked back to the car, the one Nevada cowboy said to the other,

"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."

 

"No way," said the other. "My wife won twice last week."

 

 

                     #3  Roberto

                           Saratoga, California

Del Monte Pickle Plant

 

All the tough cases at Palo Alto Medical go to Dr. Brennerman, who

saw this man from the Del Monte pickle plant in Mountain View, California.

 

"What's your problem that no one can solve, " he asked.

 

" Well, I have this overwhelming desire to put my penis in the

pickle slicer, " he explained.  " I just can't help it."

 

"That is a terrible thought," Dr. Brennerman told him. " You just

have to get that out of your head. Think of something else. When

you go to work, think of a sunset, the sun coming down at night.

Give it a try."

 

Two weeks later, he was back.

 

" I am sorry to tell you Dr. Brennerman, it did not work," the

patient explained. " I stuck my penis in the pickle slicer."

 

" What happened?!," he asked.

" They fired the both of us."