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Jokes about Personality types, Bumperstickers & senseless jokes


Personality Test

Select a shape below that appeals to you the most and then scroll down to read about your personality. These shapes were developed by me and a psychologist. They have been tested worldwide, over a period of several years. As we received feedback from our research, we carefully adjusted the color and/or form of each shape, then tested again, until we were left with a highly successful set of shapes. These represent the nine basic personality types.





No. 5

No. 6


No. 8


Page down for answers.

1. Introspective, Sensitive, Reflective You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are highly intensive, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you need in order to feel good. However it is no problem for you to be alone for extended periods of time, without becoming bored.

2. Independent, Unconventional, Unfettered You demand a free and unattached life for yourself that allows you to determine your own course. You have an artistic bent in your work or leisure activities. Your urge for freedom sometimes causes you to do exactly the opposite of what expected of you. Your lifestyle is highly individualistic. You would never blindly imitate what is "in"; on the contrary, you seek to live according to your own ideas and convictions, even if this means swimming against the tide.

3. Dynamic, Active, Extroverted You are quite willing to accept certain risks and to make a strong commitment in exchange for interesting and varied work. Routine, in contrast, tends to have a paralyzing effect on you. What you like most is to be able to play an active role in events. In doing so, your initiative is highly pronounced.

4. Down to Earth, Well-Balanced, Harmonious You value a natural style and love that which is uncomplicated. People admire you because you have both feet planted firmly on the ground and they can depend on you. You give those who are close to you security and space. You are perceived as being warm and human. You reject everything that is garish and trite. You tend to be skeptical toward the whims of fashion trends. For you, clothing has to be practical and unobtrusively elegant.

5. Professional, Pragmatic, Self-Assured You take charge of your life, and place less faith in your luck and more in your own deeds. You solve problems in a practical, uncomplicated manner. You take a realistic view of the things in your daily life and tackle them without wavering. You are given a great deal of responsibility at work, because people know that you can be depended upon. Your pronounced strength of will projects your self-assurance to others. You are never fully satisfied until you have accomplished your ideas.

6. Peaceful, Discreet, Non-Aggressive You are easy-going yet discreet. You make friends effortlessly, yet enjoy your privacy and independence. You like to get away from it all and be alone from time to time to contemplate the meaning of life and enjoy yourself. You need space, so you escape to beautiful hideaways, but you are not a loner. You are at peace with yourself and the world, and you appreciate life and what this world has to offer.

7. Carefree, Playful, Cheerful You love a free and spontaneous life. And you attempt to enjoy it to the fullest, in accordance with the motto: "You only live once." You are very curious and open about everything new; you thrive on change. Nothing is worse than when you feel tied down. You experience your environment as being versatile and always good for a surprise.

8. Romantic, Dreamy, Emotional You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint. What your feelings tell you is just as important to you. In fact, you feel it is important to have dreams in life, too. You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality. You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.

9. Analytical, Trustworthy, Self-Assured Your momentary sensitivity represents that which is of high quality and durable. Consequently, you like to surround yourself with little "gems," which you discover wherever they are overlooked by others. Thus, culture plays a special role in your life. You have found your own personal style, which is elegant and exclusive, free from the whims of fashion. Your ideal, upon which you base your life, is cultured pleasure. You value a certain level of culture on the part of the people with whom you associate.



"My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said, "OK, you're ugly, too." "


One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."



I souport publik edekashun.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.


Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Airline food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Military intelligence
Software documentation
New classic Childproof
"Now, then ..."
Synthetic natural gas
Passive aggression
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Temporary tax increase
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream










Few women admit their age, fewer men act it.

Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

Time is the best teacher but it kills off most of its students.

Women who want to be men, lack ambition.

Be nice to your kids, they pick your nursing home.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?" "Well, I see thousands of stars." "And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent!"

The Funeral

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is alive. In fact, she lives for ten more years! Alas, she finally dies and the funeral is again held at the same synagogue. At the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking down the aisle the husband cries out... "Watch out for the wall!"

Little Old Lady from Belmont

A CHP officer pulls over a little old lady from Belmont driving a BMW going 22 mph on Highway 17.

Peering into the window, he asks the old lady, "Do you know you were going 22 mph on this freeway?" The old lady from Belmont replies "Yes - the speed limit is 17. I didn't want to go more than five miles over the speed limit.

We are on our way to Los Gatos. I thought it was safe to drive five miles over the limit."

The CHP officer states, "The speed limit is 65 mph. This highway is named Highway 17.

Those are the signs you are seeing." He then glances in the back seat and sees two more old ladies, just jittering with fear.

The CHP officer asks "What is the matter with them?" The old lady from Belmont replies, "we just got off of Highway 101.


You make $120,000 a year, but can't find a place to live.

- You see nothing but expensive cars such as Z3, BMW, Hummers, all the time.

- Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles from work.

- You stop asking how much things cost and start asking "How long will it take?"

- Beta means ready to use to you therefore Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that isn't on the consumer market yet. You must be first!!!!

- You think that "I'm going to Fry's Electronics" is an acceptable excuse to leave the office for a while. And your boss does too.

- You /lost/never had/don't know how to set/ the alarm clock. You work all the time so no need to be reminded to get up and go to work

- You don't got to a bar, but to Starbucks to catch the action, such as two guys get into a fight over whether Apple is a faster computer than a Pentium Windows based computer.

- You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware and/or software companies printed on them. (Bonus for embroidered stuff.)

- You know where Woz Way, Resistor Ave, and Floppy Drive are located. ( ten points to name the general area ).

- You know who Woz is.

- You know Hwy 280 North runs west, and Hwy 680 North runs East. and may not understand why, but you get there, none-the-less.

- You don't understand how the car pool lanes work because you normally don't commute during those hours.

- You meet a friend for lunch and the first topic is where they are working now.

- You have completely forgotten how to write longhand.

-You suddenly realize that the face of the person you live with-usually a husband or wife-looks really familiar, but several years older.

-You spend more time checking the value of your stock options than you do at the gym, but you're still paying $25 monthly for a membership to a place you haven't visited in 18 months. -

-You think your lifestyle is normal.

Important words

The sixth most important words: Sorry, I admit I was wrong.
The fifth most important words: You did a great job.
The fourth most important words: Oh, could you please?
The third most important words: I love you.
The second most important words: Thank you.
The most important word: We.
The least important word: I.

Prospective Employee

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing:

- If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
- If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
- If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing
- If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
- If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
- If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security
- And if they've left early, put them in Sales.


1. remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone, including yourself.
2. remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but it can be worked out.
3. remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else's.
4. remind you everyone makes mistakes. That's okay, we learn by our errors.
5. CANDY remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment everyday.
6. remind you that you are worth a mint to your family.
7. BUBBLE remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.
8. remind you to list your blessings every day.
9. TEA remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that list of blessings. This is what makes life worth living every minute, every day.

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